I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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