Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
