No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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