First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
