Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
