3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
