So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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