so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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