it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
