Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize