end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
