If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
