I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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