I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
