I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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