well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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