cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
