everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
