you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
