he thought i was a dude.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
