my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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