Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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