i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
