shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
