she is the kim kardashian of front butts
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
