It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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