Is it normal to miss your booty call?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
