How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
