Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
These tits shall not be calmed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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