Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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