I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
