Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
