You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And then he peed in my hair
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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