I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
