Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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