cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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