Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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