fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have aggressive nipples.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
