Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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