1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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