Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
