Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
