Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
