theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
