I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
