I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
