Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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