I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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