We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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