U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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