Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
