I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
