based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
