Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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