On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
