dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
