Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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