On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize