This dress was meant to end up on your floor
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
