There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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