Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
