just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've blown a few things in my day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
