She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
